Yesterday’s post was heavy, clunky even, and I anticipate after a year of not writing here consistently, it’ll take a few posts to get the engine running smoothly. But a friend’s post reminded me I’m allowed a bit of a rough start. Four long years of back to back trauma—most of which haven’t found safe enough spaces to be released into—juxtaposed with privilege guilt and breaking news every 30 minutes, well, that makes for a bit of a bumpy start.
I was planning on attending a poetry reading tonight, where a friend was featuring. These days, it’s been taking every ounce of energy to get out of bed, to focus on work, to submit homework assignments. A school in Palestine was bombed this morning and another “mock the Palestinian suffering” trend is going viral on Israeli media, and I’m supposed to create a fact pack and consulting outline for a school project? Review the finances of my work’s portfolios for the beginning of the month? Eat a full meal in a home with running water and consistent electricity and maintain a sense of emotional and mental peace?
What was supposed to be a 27-minute commute to the library turned into an estimated 73-minute drive, meaning I’d arrive as it was about to wrap up. Reluctantly, I turned back and headed home, thinking about the poem I had in my back pocket, you know, in case I decided to read during the open mic.
Vantage Point is one of those poems that just spilled out, uncontrollably, as I sat in my car one afternoon. Those are usually some of most favorite pieces. Cooped up in the driver’s seat, parked in a random lot, scribbling the on-the-spot inspiration on the back of a Sephora or Taco Bell receipt, or typing it into my phone notes. I remember this one vividly, how painfully easy it was to write about the parallel of losing all autonomy—my homeland and my female identity. How easily both can be taken; with a look, with an airstrike, with the inaction of leaders.
This poem is in my forthcoming manuscript, a manuscript I am incredibly proud of. So in honor of trying to keep it all together, here is Vantage Point, gracing day two of #NaBloPoMo.
